97% Success Rate When They Open With: “CAN’T YOU READ?!?!”
Whenever I need to make a few bucks, I go to houses that have a “No soliciting” sign and ask them to donate a few dollars to help illiterate people like me learn how to read. They think that they’re supporting a good cause and making it less likely for people to annoy them, but really they’re just helping me get enough money to buy an electric skateboard.

electric skateboard??!!!
WE ALL WANT AN ELECTRIC SKATEBOARD. Like the Ninja Turtles had. Aaaaw yeah.
K, this one is spectacular.
Kudos.