Dear Mario,

I realize that you have a duty to save the princess and I’m here to help you along the way, but I feel I’m not getting enough appreciation. Unlike you, I don’t shrink/lose abilities/die when I’m hit by one of those hideous creatures, I just get a little freaked out. You just need to jump back on my back to comfort me a little bit. Don’t watch me jump into a hole. Why the hell would you let me run myself into a hole? Do you think I’m doing it intentionally? I’m not. I hate those holes. The only thing worse than you watching me jump into a hole, is when you’re dumb enough to jump into the hole yourself, and then you just jump off my back to safety. Don’t you feel bad when you see me falling to my death? Is the princess really worth letting me die for?

I thought we were friends man.

-Yoshi