They should sell the Titanic Soundtrack with a cover to make it look like a blank CD, that way I could just write “Mr. Viking Love Mix 2008″ and give it to which ever girl I’m currently courting.

If it was scientifically proven that mermaids granted wishes I bet that scuba divers would have a reputation for being desperate losers.

Whenever a new friend invites me over, I like to unravel their entire roll of toilet paper and then roll it back up. Their reaction tells me a lot about them.

I found the reason why I was not getting any job interviews. My friend told me to get rid of this line from my skills section:

Very good at matching beer with various breakfasts. (For example: Heineken goes great with Frosted Flakes)