I know it’s vain, but I think that if I was a girl, I would exclusively date abortionists just to save a lot of money.

To get everyone at my new job to like me, I executed the perfect plan. I came in really early one morning and released 1,000 mosquitoes then I left. I came back after everyone else had arrived and said “Look at all those mosquitoes! Good thing I brought THESE!” as I released 50 dragonflies and […]