Whenever playing sports with blind people, it’s nice to keep saying names even though everyone has been taken just so that the blind people don’t think that they were the last ones picked.

Mr. Viking: Doctor, I got really drunk last night and I think I got bit by a zombie. Can you run some tests and euthanize me if they come out positive?
Doctor: Sure.
<<Doctor does tests>>
Doctor: The tests came out negative! You only got infected with AIDS.

I think a good bumper sticker would be: “my other ride is a moustache”.

The opposite of a hate crime is a love crime; which is when someone targets a victim because they don’t belong to a certain social group.

9th rule of fight club: Don’t make a group and invite all your Facebook friends to join fight club.

With all this talk about reducing our reliance on oil, and creating new forms of energy for our vehicles, I think a major option has been overlooked: horses.
As far as I know, horses require ZERO oil in order to transport humans from point A to point B. They just need oats and the grass that […]

I like creeping out my dentist by starting deep into his eyes while he works.

There’s a school for the blind near my house and every spring I like to go out and put up wreaths, flowers and a sign that say RIP Ryan/Phillip/Marcus next to the road around there. I also lay down some new tire skid marks and a few buckets of blood.

I’m a supporter for allowing President Bush to have a third term in office. He’s doing wonders to help my cause of reversing time.